Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Two weeks overdue and counting..........

I am officially 2 weeks overdue today and I'm a little upset. I know that my mother and I decided to do the "compassionate care" method when we went to the hospital, but I had no idea that I would have to argue for an induction so I could have the chance to meet my son. I have to wait until after the Maternal-Fetal Medicine meeting today before I hear about the doctor's decision for me.

I tried to be patient and understanding because doctors have to know more about this than I do. My problem is, I'm in pain and I want him out. I couldn't sleep comfortably. That's really the least of my problems. I wonder if I lost time with Caleb because the doctors have been pushing my induction and the decisions to the last minute. What if I lost two weeks of precious time with my baby? I'm already dealing with the negative sides of this. I'm starting to definitely feel anxiety here, and I've been doing an amazing job controlling my stress for Caleb's sake.

I just want this whole situation to be over with. I've been going through this for 9 weeks now, wondering if my little man is gonna be strong enough to pull through this. Now, I'm throwing myself on the mercy of God here to please allow me some time with him. The call I had yesterday with Magee made it sound like they were just going to make me wait as long as possible before they decide to induce. What happens if he decides he can't hold on anymore and he passes away before I get a chance to ever see him? I don't know if I'm strong enough to continue like I used to. I'm so deathly afraid of never hearing him cry, seeing him breathe or even a tiny smile that I've been looking forward to since I found out I was pregnant.

I can't take this anymore. I want Caleb now, and I can't imagine going through this anymore.

1 comment:

Kel Bel said...

Don't give up hope hun, you have gotten so far. And you have been doing awesome! I can't even begin to imagine what it's like, but you guys are in my thoughts and prayers EVERY day! Stay strong, I know you're one tough cookie. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Love ya, Kelly