Saturday, December 13, 2008

Rest in Peace My Love...

Caleb Alex Ofcansky was born on December 12, 2008 at 1:51 PM with Grandma and Aunt Kourie by my side. Courtney and Staci Lynn were waiting outside patiently to meet him. Sadly, it my (Mommy's) duty to report that he did not make it through birth.

The nursing staff and doctors who delivered me were absolutely amazing and patient with my brand of humor. The birthing process went smoothly for me, mostly because I had the epidural. I got to watch my son come into the world through a mirror attached to the ceiling. I watched him come out, with the cord around his neck and I knew that we weren't going to have the luck that we'd prayed for. We were able to keep him all day, kissing and hugging what once was my precious son. We met with the NILMDTS photographers, who took stunning photographs for my memory of him. Courtney, Aunt Amy, and Stacy T (who stopped by later to visit) stayed with me for most of the night. We finally decided to baptize Caleb right when my father showed up to meet his grandson. He was baptized at 8:10PM, and my family said out final goodbyes at 12:05AM. I was discharged from Magee at 1:30AM to mourn with my family.

Words cannot express the amount of sadness I feel right now. I never knew someone could feel so much joy and pain at the same time. I also never knew that the love of my life would leave before I ever even got to meet him. My heart has never hurt so much, and I'm not even sure that it will ever heal from a break like this. I prayed and prayed and prayed for him on a daily basis to make it, and no amount of prayer could bring him home with me through the holidays.

Now, I take the time to thank all of you who religiously read my blog throughout this process and those who checked it like it was your job these past few days. There were so many of you praying for him, that I truly believed that a miracle could occur. Even though it didn't happen for me, I appreciate every single one of you who took the time to make comments and reassure me throughout this trying time. No amount of thank you would ever be enough for all of you. You were truly a big part of my strength in getting through this.

There were pictures taken of the day (of course), and I will be posting them as soon as I can. I'm just really tired right now and don't have the patience to do it. I will have them posted tomorrow sometime.

Again, thank you so much.

Lindsey Ofcansky

9 comments:

Nicole said...

Lindsey,

My heart hurts for you and your family. I can't even imagine what you've gone through in the past 24-48 hours. I went to bed crying and praying for you; only to wake up doing the same thing. I didn't get much sleep last night because all I could think about was you missing your little boy so very much. Please know that you are in my thoughts & prayers and try to get some much needed rest when you can. Take good care of yourself. {{{HUGS}}}

Much love, Nicole

Gina said...

I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about Caleb. You have been such an inspiration to so many people with the strength you've shown these past couple of months. I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes and imagine what you must be feeling right now. I've been hoping and praying that you would be able to spend time with your precious little angel. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. Words can't express how truly sorry I am for your loss. Little Caleb will always be watching over you, and he knows how very much he was loved.

RachelRay said...

Linds,
I cannot imagine how bad you must hurt right now. Having 9 and 1/2 months to bond with a baby growing inside you, praying hard and hoping even harder- just to come to this. I am so sorry, and I wish I could say something that would help. I'm prayin Linds.

Hilary said...

God bless you and your family..Caleb now dances with angels!!! praying for your family

princessbean614 said...

Lindsey,

I am so sorry...my heart hurts for you and your family. I have been reading your blog from the beginning and have been praying that everyone would be wrong and Caleb would be okay because he was such a fighter. I will continue to pray for you - for strength and rest and comfort and peace. You are so brave and I don't know if I could have handled this as strongly as you. Rest now and know that Caleb is in peace.

Love,
Sarah Mauldin (Herda)

boltefamily said...

Lindsey,

I am so very sorry for your loss, I wish I had words that would make this even a little easier for you, but we both know there are none.

I am here to tell you though that yesterday a miracle did happen. Caleb was not healed this side of Heaven, but he was every bit of a miracle. Such a precious gift from God. Born to the perfect mommy who gave him every chance he could have.

My prayers and love are with you!

Kristy Bolte

Rachel said...

Lindsey, I have been reading your blog and have been praying for all of you the whole time. I'm so sad and so sorry that this had this outcome and that you never had the chance to spend time with your son. Just know that everything happens for a reason, even though we don't always know what God's plan is. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, and never stop fighting. You are an inspiration to us all!

Much love!

Rachel

atomiclemonade said...

I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. You are an amazing person. Praying for you and your family.

Love,
Alisha

Amanda said...

Lindsey,
I know I haven't seen you since High School, but I just wanted to share how sorry I am for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing his beautiful story with the world, I don't know if I could have done the same. There is unfortunately nothing that can be said or done at this moment to dull the pain. You are in my prayers. And I know that right now it seems like a bunch of meaningless words right now, but I know that Caleb is with his Father in Heaven. I know that his time here on earth, although painfully short, had a purpose. Thank you again for sharing your journey.

Amanda (Farr) Knickerbocker and family