Tuesday, March 8, 2011

It's been a year...

I have neglected this for a long time. I've thought about posting several times, but for some reason I chose to ignore my small obligation. I'm on Facebook everyday, updating my status, but I don't take the time to come on here. I thought if I ignored this, I would get over my loss. I needed a wake up call and quickly learned that was never going to happen. I will hurt forever, but it's all in the way you manage that pain.

Recently, I've become friends with a woman that lost her son Nolan Alex. I've been paying special attention to her journey. I've been feeling her pain, and I mean literally feeling the hurt and anger that she is going through. I look at her pictures, and I read her posts and I cannot believe how I've never met this woman or her family, but I feel an intense connection to her. I cannot explain it. Amanda, please know that without knowing you, I've cried for you and I've been praying for you everyday.

So what has been happening in the last year? My boyfriend and I broke up, made up, broke up and then made up again. We are now living together, and attempting to make a new relationship. IUP told me they would never give me a degree, so I left. I've applied and been accepted to Seton Hill, studying Elementary/Special Education. It'll take 2 years, but I'll get a degree.

The most important thing is I've learned. I'm learning to miss my son without allowing it to consume my life. For the first 2 years after losing Caleb, I felt like life was not worth living. I acted as if no one else felt like I did. I felt alone. Now that I've taken the time to be single, and focus on my life. I believe that watching others go through their journey gave me hope for the future. I want to be the strength for future T-18 mom's. I want to show that one day, you'll be able to feel like you'll be able to move on. I love my moms. I will always be there for you.

So that's a year in a nutshell. I will attempt to keep up with this, but I know you guys aren't holding me to it. I love you all for keeping up with me.