Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Time to start the healing...

So after my horrible day on Sunday, my sister finally told me that I had to do something before I drove myself crazy. I decided I wanted to go back to work instead of waiting the 6 weeks because I'm losing my mind just sitting around. Well, I need a clearance from my doctor's office before I can just jump back into the world of high-end mens' fashions. I have that appointment this morning.

I did sort of have a breakdown when it came to school and everything. I have a number of reasons to not return to IUP, but I know I will because I don't want to screw up more than I already did. Anyway, if I can buckle under that much stress, I need counseling. Kourie said it, Mom has told me to call the counselor several times. I just needed something like Sunday to realize that while I have my strengths, I need that extra push to get myself through the loss of Caleb. This person has never met me, doesn't know my history...I'm hoping she's going to take this whole story and help me make sense of it. Before I actually go insane. I believe that this can happen, but I refuse to believe that I have any sort of postpartum depression. I can't believe that I'm already going crazy.

I'm honestly done smiling and pretending I'm ok for everyone's sake (including my own). I'm going to allow myself to be a "wuss".

5 comments:

Kathleen said...

Hugs and prayers for you.

You are allowed to "go crazy" - get the counseling -- we can all use it sometimes and especially with what you have been through.

Let those who love you help you --even when they don't know what to say, they care.

Love & prayers

Mama10EE said...

Counseling will help, and you are not crazy. You are dealing with a huge loss on top of hormones, etc from giving birth. PPD is nothing you want to take lightly. Over 30% of women get it...I did. It's not easy and I hope you find the right counselor to help you. One thing to remember....it's OK to change counselors if you don't like the one you start with. Don't suffer through sessions and be miserable as I did. When I finally made the switch, I realized what therapy really can do. Your little guy was so cute.

Mrs. Mother said...

Counseling is a wonderful thing. I lost my baby girl to Trisomy 18 in August, and counseling really helped me from losing my mind, although I came very close. Big hugs to you.

Nicole said...

Praying for peace and insight. Hope you have a better week.

princessbean614 said...

You are not a "wuss!" You are stronger than anyone I know...

~Sarah M.