Monday, January 5, 2009

As some of you may know...

Yeah, yesterday wasn't my best day either. I spent the entire day crying. I'm under a lot of stress to return to school in the fall. I would like to stay here in my hometown and continue, while I know the most intelligent thing is to return to IUP to finish my Deaf Education degree. I like my job and I would like to be able to do both. I'm just confused right now.

But among all the confusion is the amount of pain I'm in. If Caleb would have been here, I would be so eager to go back to school to give him a reason to be proud. With him gone, I for some reason believe that I don't want to return until I'm good and ready. I know that's not smart either, because I will never return if I don't do it now. Caleb was going to be my reason to finish school, but now I have to become sort of selfish and concentrate on getting a degree. I'm not ready to return to that frame of mind yet. I had my head set on being a Mommy until I could afford to go back to school. Now I kinda have to do it by myself, with only myself to do it for. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I'm just ranting.

I'm going to be calling a counselor today because I waited long enough to get the help I so desperately need. I thought I was strong enough to get through all this without any outside help, but I can't do it anymore. Maybe this counselor can help me make the right decision.

1 comment:

Mama10EE said...

Give yourself time to heal. You will know what is best for you when the time is right. Now is not the time. Focus on yourself, healing yourself. August is a long way away. And I think you have chosen a very amazing profession in deaf education. You were working toward helping special needs children before you ever had your own. God Bless You...from Morgantown, WV