Fundraiser and such...

So many updates!!! First, we'll start with the fundraiser.

While it was cold and miserable...APhiO held the turkey bowling fundraiser. It was amazing! In six hours on a college campus, we managed to raise $150!!! It may not seem like much money, but it is definitely a major milestone. As far as I know, Caleb has raised over $500 for Trisomy 18 Research.

I'm truly amazed by you Sweet Baby. I may never get the chance to see you off to your first day of Kindergarten, or watch you drive off to your senior prom. Instead, I have the great pleasure of being a simple ambassador and your voice in fighting against this horrible disorder that robbed us of each other. I get to be proud of the fact that there may be one day where this can be prevented or treated because of the awareness that you and I put out there. I promised you from the beginning that your death would not be in vain. I've done my best to make it so. I do not take pride in myself for everything I've done, I give that to you. Caleb Alex, you should be in Heaven celebrating what you've done. My sweet son, words cannot express how truly amazing you are without being on Earth. Know that while I miss you, there is no prouder mother than I. I celebrate you every single day!!!

Now on to other things. I'm doing much better. While I still get emotional over mothers with their babies (I curse myself for choosing to work in a mall...), I think I'm making major steps toward acceptance. I hurt constantly, I know I'll never stop. However, I feel that I'm more able to control my anger and sadness. My therapy sessions are going well, and I've actually stopped attending bi-weekly sessions and now am going every three weeks. I feel good about this. Maybe I'll be able to breathe without feeling that sense of loss with every exhale.

Also, I went to see my IUP advisor today. A huge step, you have no idea... I've accepted my own mistakes from the past and am finally moving on to my future as an educator. I have to repeat a ton of classes, but it's time for me to get serious and act like I want a career. I love my job at the Men's Wearhouse, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to climb the ladder of high-end men's fashion. Dr. K has truly been amazing to me; I really don't deserve a 3rd and 4th chance to prove myself. I'm grateful to return to school. I only have myself to rely on now, and I think I'm finally at a place where I can be a good student. I'm going to make Caleb proud of me.

I haven't been blogging much. Mostly because I'm busy, tired, or don't feel like I can do it without feeling sad. I'm going to be keeping up with this cause I feel like it needs to be done. I still appreciate the loyal readers of this mess of my life. You are all awesome!

Lindsey